If you like drinking, but don’t enjoy feeling sick the next day, this article is for you. I will teach you how to get rid of a hangover with 5 proven cures.
Note that these cures work for me personally. I cannot guarantee results for anyone else.
Without further ado, let’s discuss ways to stop those horrible hangovers!
Cure 1: Cold Coffee
Coffee is one of the most experimented solutions to curing hangovers. You can ask anyone and they will say coffee can alleviate the pain. They are not wrong, but they’re also not entirely right.
The trick is to use Cold Coffee when trying to cure a hangover.
Hangovers are caused by inflammation in your arteries, so the quickest way to reduce the heat is to cool it down. Here are the steps you should take if you want to try the cold coffee cure.
- Brew a pot of coffee before you pass out.
- Add 3 salted ice cubes to the pot when you wake up.
- Wait 5 minutes and inject chilled coffee into your bloodstream with a syringe.
Try to use a clean needle. Be wary of any syringes you find lying around, especially if you went drinking with your junkie friends the night before. If you’re not good at shooting up, ask your junkie friends for help, or consult the internet for further direction.
Cure 2: The Odhaba Game Tea
This one is my personal favorite. It’s a special tea recipe taught to me by the Cottage Woman (Lord bless her) when I got my first hangover at the age of 14.
“Why were you drinking at the age of 14, Lotti?”
Anyway, here are the ingredients for the tea:
- Freshly drawn spring water
- Mint leaves
- Leopard heart wedges
- Black tea leaves
- Cane sugar
- Cinnamon sticks
So the idea is to boil the first 4 ingredients together to make the tea. Add the cinnamon sticks once the water has reached a rolling boil. Let it boil for 5 more minutes after adding cinnamon sticks and then remove from heat. Add cane sugar to taste and drink while still hot.
The nice part about this recipe is that you can replant the cinnamon stick to grow a cinnamon tree if you have a dark garden on your property.
If you don’t have access to all these ingredients, you may have to search the dark web for poachers who can supply leopard hearts. They are not cheap, but if you get hangovers often, then they are a smart investment. Also, you’re probably a lightweight.
Cure 3: Ecstasy
Alcohol is a depressant which means it makes you sad. Hangovers also make you sad, so the natural solution is to balance the sadness with happiness.
Ecstasy is a drug commonly found at raves and orgies where the consumer is overcome with a sense of euphoria. This is the best drug to counteract the sadness and pain of a hangover.
If you’re not familiar with the rave scene, then consider yourself lucky. Also, consider making friends in the rave scene. Raves are the single best place to buy ecstasy or get free handouts from people who are already kiting.
Because “E” or “X” is so popular and easy to come by, it’s best to stock up when you have an opportunity. Most people wear skimpy clothing or their birthday suits at raves, so be smart and wear cargo pants. The 90s fashion throwback will be sure to help you pick up sluts while also letting you stuff your pockets with drugs. It’s really a win-win situation.
Cure 4: Blood Mary
“I’ve heard that drinking Bloody Mary’s can relieve hangovers. Are you confirming it, Lotti?”
What? No. I’m talking about Bloody Mary, the Queen of Scots.
Mary I of England (1516 – 1558) was known for her sassy temperament and unusual lust for the blood of heretics, dissenters, and apostates.
Summoning the phantom of Bloody Mary by using the mirror ritual will entice her to bereave you of your head which will quickly save you from that awful hangover.
Here’s how to summon Bloody Mary:
- Wait until midnight
- Light candles
- Turn off all other lights
- Stand in front of a mirror
- Open the faucet for running water
- Hold your hands on the mirror
- Chant “Bloody Mary” 13 times
There you have it. It’s a simple ritual but one that is effective. Or at least I assume so because everyone has heard of it. If this summoning doesn’t work for you, try the variation found on this WikiHow page.
Cure 5: Don’t Stop Drinkin’
Note that the following way to cure a hangover is best accomplished while listening to Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey.
This is the most straightforward cure of the 5 on this list of “How to get rid of a Hangover.” The idea is that if you keep consuming alcohol, you can’t really get a hangover because you will not have stopped.
Admittedly, this cure can prove expensive both in the short term and in the long term. Luckily there are cheap beers that will keep you perpetually buzzed for a fraction of the cost of other alcoholic beverages.
This can be dangerous especially if you’re not an experienced drinker. If you’re a lightweight and you try this cure for an extended period of time, you’ll either become a heavyweight, or if you stop, the cumulative hangover will kill you.
Did you learn how to get rid of a hangover?
I would try a few of these cures out if you haven’t before. Recommend these to friends and family members who are raging alcoholics. Who knows, you might help someone cure their addiction!
Share your thoughts or other special hangover cures with me here on my blog or on social media!