Are you struggling to figure out how to pick a baby name?
Do you know the baby’s sex but still can’t decide on a name?
We’ve all been there (except me), and I can relate to your struggle.
But don’t worry, because, by the end of this tutorial, you’ll have all the knowledge you need to decide on the perfect name for your new child!
Follow along with my 4 Step Process that will teach you how to pick a baby name quickly and with peace of mind.
Step 1: Obtain a Spirit Board
The picture at the top of this post is a spirit board. The universally known brand is called “Ouija Board.”
For only $25 or less you can buy the one tool you’ll need to name your newborn child.
Don’t waste hundreds of dollars on Baby Naming Books! Those are old and terribly outdated. If you only have one child, then a book will not provide a good return on investment (ROI).
Buy a spirit board and you can use it for the rest of your short life for myriad endeavors.
Step 2: Contact a Spirit from the Other Side
Here’s where the fun starts in figuring out how to pick a baby name.
Follow the directions on the box to open an invisible portal to the spirit plane. This involves lighting candles and turning off electric lights to set the spooky mood.
If replacing electric lights for candle lights doesn’t suffice, then consider bloodletting onto the board. A small amount of blood from the palm of your hand should be enough to really get those phantoms moving.
When the gates are open, you don’t really have much choice of who finds you, but start asking and a ghost might hear your summons.
Sometimes it can be a nice reunion to talk to a deceased family member or friend, so call their names and if you’re lucky, they will visit.
Step 3: Place both hands on the Planchette, ask questions, and watch the board
If you successfully contacted a spirit, you should feel a chill in the air. If you don’t then your house is probably freezing and you ought to turn on the heater.
But after the summoning is complete, you channel the spirit’s power by allowing it to move the planchette (shapely eyepiece) on the board to reveal a series of letters that spell words.
To get the spirit to move the planchette, ask simple questions and it will answer you. This is when you ask for baby name recommendations.
Note that this ritual is typically done with two people, so one person can work with the spirit and the other writes the message. If you’re doing this alone, then memorize the letters, and also, may God help you.
Step 4: Interpret the Message
Did you ask the spirit for baby name ideas? Hopefully, you memorized the suggestions or have them written down.
If you’re not a medium or a person who is spiritually attuned, then you might not know what spirit answered your questions.
Let me provide a breakdown of the types of spirits who would suggest certain baby names.
Agatha, Eunice, Maude, Harold, Ralph, Walter
If a spirit suggested any of these names, then it is your great-great-grandparent.
These names are remnants of times long since passed and don’t fit well with today’s generation.
DO NOT use any of those names as your child will be cursed with early onset graying of hair and sagging of skin.
Asher, Ellarose, Hudson, Olive, Roman, Zane
If you spelled any of these names during your spirit channeling sessions, then you were unfortunately contacted by a hipster.
Hipsters are still part of the young generation, so you were contacted by one who died prematurely. This hipster was likely killed by riding his multispeed bicycle on a busy thoroughfare.
DO NOT use any of those names as your child will be cursed with an addiction to craft beers and a ridiculous fashion sense that will make you regret experiencing the miracle of birth.
Azazel, Balam, Delilah, Jezebel, Lilith, Seir
If you still have control of your faculties and read any of these names on your list, then you were contacted by a demon from Hell.
Luckily you were not (or are not yet) demonically possessed, so you can still take note to scratch these names off your list of possible baby names.
Unless you’re naming a baby goat, none of these are safe names, except Azazel (I kid!)
These are names of demons and wicked women from Biblical times, so they conjure sour thoughts for most people.
DO NOT use any of these names for your child as it will be cursed and stalked by living shadows until it is consumed by sulfur and black fire. It will then torment you with cries of agony and guilt for giving it such an awful name.
Did you decide on a name?
How did your seance go? Did this guide help you learn how to pick a baby name? I hope it was fruitful and that you found a great name for your expected child.
Comment on this blog post or on social media and share the baby name you chose!
Bonus points if the baby is named Charlotte!